1 post tagged “feeling content”

self potrait

I am in training with about 10-15 people and I feel so alone; but when i head to the second job at night and I am by myself I feel so whole. Is the backwards? I don't think so because I do not like nonsense. I wish I could just come in to a job, people just do what they suppose to do...you know, "work". Instead, I hear people talking while the instructor is trying to teach his lessons, when going on break in break room where you can use your cell phone or use the wall phones that are available and I hear "baby momma's drama", chicks yelling at "Tyrone" for just laying around the house. A perfect world for me would be that if I had to work around women they watched shows on USA Network/HGTV/NatGeo/The Travel Channel. They listen to podcasts, they dress modest, the woman are polite, nice, and up front with you in a professional manner...no head games.

I am 43 now and I have a very low tolerance for foolishness. For me, women that watch Grey's Anatomy/Girlfriends/Sex In The City/TMZ/Access Hollywood/Entertainment Tonight/Oxygen/Lifetime Channel I have no need for them to come around me, be around me. Many of these type of women live in a fantasy world. I know there is no "perfect" person but what I have found out is that some women say they enjoy peace but love nonsense and other woman love peace, work for having peace around them and within themselves. I have also come to realize that for me there is a difference between a "church/Christian woman" and a woman that is a "Follower of Christ Jesus".

Let me make this very clear, not all women that watch T.D. Jakes/Cleflo Dollar/Zachary Timms/Rod Parsely/John Hagee and not like this but many women who watch these pastors say they are Christians but gossip, have bad eating habits, children have no home training, spends like its no tomorrow and then wonder why their lives are in disarray. Where women who watch and listen to pastors like Paul Sheppard/Dr. Charles Stanley/Greg Laurie/Adrian Rogers/Chuck Swindoll/David Jeremiah and that enjoy listening to NPR are more in tune with God's word, strong and yet gentle, they spend money wisely and are very pleasant to be around. I also find out that women that are into computers are some of the coolest women on the planet. I'm I saying that the former pastors I mentioned are bad? Not at all...what I have learned is that these men can teach God's word but it is up to the individual put it into practice.

When I am at my night cleaning job, I am alone, I have my quiet time with Jesus, I have my iPod and I am a happy camper. I can hear myself think, I can let my mind flow. The other thing is that even the people that work inside the building that cleans are very cool. Maybe it's because it's less contact and we are on our own floors...maybe blue collar people have more common/street sense than people that work in corporate America. Either way, it's so nice, so cool to work in this type of environment. This is my time to unwind. I look at working at the night job as exercise(and I get paid for it), solitude, time to re-group.

I have low tolerance for stupidity, whether male or female. I am glad I am married because in this day and age if I was single I think I would marry but I would be so selective that I may be single for the rest of my life. So much drama in this day and age and so many ways of carrying yourself is tolerated it makes my stomach turn. I think I'm like Robert DeNiro's character in "Heat" when he says, "I am 'alone' but I'm not 'lonely'. Maybe I'm getting to an age where I am becoming set in my ways but I don't think so. Maybe I'm getting set in my ways when it comes to people offline because it seems I'm cool with many people online.

Does anyone feel this way?